Maybe Someday
by aeonn
Summary: Will's life before and after the death of Nico di Angelo. Au. Ah. Solangelo. Warnings inside.


**Warning: Major character death, mourning, grief, funerals and funeral related things, reference to suicide but it's not discussed in depth.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson or anything else that may seem familiar.**

1.

In the days after they tell him it's not his fault

 _It was his choice._

 _There was nothing you could have done._

 _You didn't kill him._

Will hears them, understands them, and sometimes in the brief moments when his lungs remember how to function he believes them.

2.

He doesn't really remember what happened the day he got the news. He thinks he was in a coffee shop when Percy Jackson phoned and-

He thinks there was crying on the other line and-

"Nico, is-"

"Shit," deep breaths and-

"I'm so sorry".

He thinks he might have fainted

3.

It's funny, he thinks, in a horrible way how just hours before Nico had been in his bed, warm and beautiful and in his arms.

Breathing.

4.

Later Percy asks him if Nico had said anything weird the night before.

All Will can think about is the way he'd smiled and said in that voice he used only in the moments when he felt safe.

(Only when they were alone together.)

"I want everything to be like this."

5.

He should have know, he should have known, he should have-

6.

3 nights after and he's sitting on the couch trying not to think about it. Trying not to think about how Nico-

And how he must have been sad and lonely and-

Terrified, lost, empty-

Angry, frustrated, and alone so alone.

Did it hurt? Did he feel it? Did he regret it in those last moments when it was too late?

Could he have stopped him could he have-

Will only just makes it to the toilet before his stomach is crawling up his throat.

7.

 _This is his life without Nico di Angelo_.

8.

He thinks the obituary is the most terrible thing he's ever read. He reads it once and then he reads it again and by the time he's through he's in hysterics.

Nico would have _hated_ this, Nico would have _laughed_ at this. He would have snorted and grumbled and swore and-

Will is still laughing when the tears start raining down his cheeks.

9.

He goes to the viewing and he thinks it must have been the hardest thing he's ever done because-

He was waiting for Nico to wake up.

10.

He almost doesn't go to the funeral. He almost just sits in (their) apartment and scrolls through the posts on (his) Facebook profile.

 _We miss you._

 _I know we grew apart but I wish I could have been there for you._

 _I hope you've found peace._

 _My heart goes out-_

 _Rest in-_

Lou Ellen comes hours before. She gets him dressed, makes him eat. "You need this," she says "You need this closure."

11.

He doesn't _want_ closure.

12.

He watches them lower the casket. He feels a space break open in his chest.

It swallows his heart.

It swallows his lungs.

His stomach his-

Everything.

13.

He doesn't remember leaving the funeral. He thinks someone drove him back to his apartment and put him to bed.

It's the first time he sleeps since he found out.

When he wakes up he wants to scream.

14.

It's a week later when he realizes that the bed doesn't smell like _him_ anymore and it's

stupid but-

He's sobbing. Gasping for air as snot and tears run down down his face. He curls up in a ball on the floor and squeezes his arms around his chest.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not-

15.

 _It was his choice, there was nothing you could have done, you didn't kill him._

16.

"I want everything to be like this."

17.

He should have known he should have-

18.

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair it's not-

 **AN:**

 **I'm sorry that this is what it is. This story will have "before" and "after" chapters. The after chapters will be like this.**

 **The before will be Nico and Will's story from the moment they meet to now. They will be written like normal chapters and should be much longer. A majority of the story will be "before".**

 **Criticism and feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading.**


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